Breathing

I have spent most of my life fighting for air.  I have asthma, I’ve had it since I was a toddler.  My mother spent much of my childhood in fear I wouldn’t live to be 12 years old.  My aunt loved horses and they were one of the things I was highly allergic to.  She would just walk into the room and I would turn blue.

It is ironic I married someone whose entire life was encompassed by horses, cattle, hay, and all manner of other things that required me to stay medicated.  I have actually grown out of some of my allergies.  My doctor recently ran a breathing test on me that resulted in some of the best numbers I’ve ever produced.

I reversed into better breathing.  Most of my peers are fighting COPD and I have better lungs than those in my age group.  Weird.

I never related breathing to love before but Adam will often lean into my hair and take a deep breath soaking up the smell.  It made me think of how often we take the small things for granted, like breathing.

I’ve attempted to live in the moment since the spring of 2016.   I have conversations with God on my way to work.  I often stop and watch the sun rise or the sunset and I thank God for those moments.  Tonight I am thankful for the breath of life.

I’m grateful for those familiar smells like fresh baked bread which reminds me of my great grandmother, or the smell of cashmere bouquet soap which reminds me of my grandmother.  The smell of metal that reminds me of my grandfather and Jerry.  Chanel No 5 which is what my mom wore in the 80’s.  My dad taught me how to put gas in a car and every time I smell gasoline I’m taken back to that exact moment.

There are many more smells that will take me to another place and time.  My happy place is the library where I spent many hours.  I really wanted to be a librarian but the pay wasn’t what I needed to raise my family.  Libraries smell amazing by the way.

Breathing it all in.  That is what I do now.  I am a lucky woman.