Fairness

One of my biggest pet peeves, are those who tell me “it’s not fair”. Life is not fair. This isn’t second grade where everyone gets 10 grapes at lunch. This is life and it’s messy. If you are looking for it to be fair, well, you are going to be depressed and anxious and mostly unhappy.

I have spent my entire adult life in the people business. I have met so many different people and treasure each one of them. Everyone has a story to tell, a demon to fight, and a victory to win. Most of the time people aren’t going to open up about what’s going on in their lives. We all hide behind a facade. I know I did. Most people had no idea I lived with domestic violence. It has taken me years to call it that, but unfortunately, that is what it was. I had one boss who saw through my facade and became my life line. He understood my situation and did everything he could to make my worklife as stress free as he could.

It is through his example that I built my management style. Which has progressed to just be my personality. I care about people and I pay attention to the things most would not. I can pick out those battling something they wish to keep hidden. It’s a curse and a blessing.

This past week has been a little rough. I am watching a friend battle terminal cancer like a champ. If we want to talk about what isn’t fair; it would be this. She has a 7 month old baby girl and a 4 year old little boy. She waited to become a mother and now I am praying she makes it at least 3 more years so the little girl will remember her. Yet, my friend is dealing with this unfair hand with dignity and grace. She is not afraid. She hasn’t once uttered “It’s not fair” and if anyone has the right to say it; it is her.

I am also watching my “adopted sisters” take care of their aged grandmother. She is pretty dang awesome in her own right. Grandma has dementia and recently fell and broke her hip. My “sisters” have been taking turns staying with her and helping her. It’s a long goodbye really, and it’s not fair that they have to lose such a staple in their lives. But they are looking at the situation as a gift. A gift of time to adequately thank a woman that has taken care of them for over 50 years.

Finally, I see the divorced dads in my life battling ex wives that really should be ashamed of themselves. Such selfishness and resentment does not do any good. I can’t imagine taking money that is suppose to support the child and not supporting the child with it. I must have been raised different, so thanks Mom and Dad. One of my friends doesn’t have enough money after working 2 jobs to support him and his wife. Where is that fair?

In today’s society where everyone thinks that “fairness” should be the norm, we should take a step back and realize that it can never be fair. What is fair for me is not going to be fair for you. Appreciation of each other and our differences is what would be fair. I used to mock those who had Pollyanna ideals. Maybe they weren’t so wrong after all.