This post was written on 2/13/2021 and sat in my drafts waiting to be published. Enjoy!
It’s the day before Valentine’s Day and I’ve been reading the posts in Facebook from happy couples and then the sad posts from my widow warriors. The contrast between them is interesting. I’m not a resentful widow. Its hard to listen to some of my widow warriors, they feel cheated. In some cases I think they were.
I am now part of a happy couple. I didn’t think I would ever say that. I am blessed. I was blessed with T to get a second chance at motherhood and now I’m blessed with a second chance at a happy life. It wasn’t always this way, I didn’t always feel blessed. My older boys can attest to that.
I’d like to share a few of the glorious things about having a second chance. It is not to rub my widow or single friends noses in it either. It’s keeping things real. Sometimes people are so caught up in what they don’t have that they miss what they do. Being single with your favorite cat doing whatever you want and eating whatever you want is pretty appealing too!
It’s not all roses. Life is lived in the struggle. When things come to easy they are not appreciated. When you have to struggle a little bit it helps build trust. I trust Adam with my life. He’s the only man I’ve never argued with. I’ve found that struggle doesn’t equate to anger and frustration. Struggle is being real and allowing yourself to be vunerable enough to tell the other person you are having a hard time. Do we drive each other crazy? Sometimes. But there is no one I’d rather be crazy with.
Learning. Thinking you know it all is a trap. It is also super annoying. Being open to learning new things, new ways of doing things, new ways of understanding, brings growth to the individual doing the learning.
I have learned so much from Adam in the 8 years I’ve known him. He came to our family a pretty humble human, just needing friends. He’s emerged as a leader who is showing my family a different path. While not every member of our family appreciates his wisdom or his wimsy. He knows his place and isn’t afraid to learn and grow with all of us. Going from a single dad to a father figure of 5 is quite the accomplishment. My older boys will always regard him as a friend rather than a dad, but they acknowledge the place he is filling with their little brother and they love him for it.
I have gained a greater love for myself, my past, and all of those things brought me to this place. All of those experiences shaped me into this woman. I have embraced my past while not allowing it to consume my future. I have made myself a promise to continue forward. In a new chapter there are no goesie backsies.
I used to be the kid reading with a flashlight late at night, I’d skip to the last chapter just to know how the book would turn out. I don’t need to do that with my life. I have a pretty good idea of how things are going to go. I have a beautiful home, I share it with some pretty amazing people. There will be ups and downs, happiness and grief. But I have learned that I can do anything. I am pretty amazing.